Lauren Juliff is about to embark on her big round-the-world (RTW) trip in a few weeks, after finishing up her Masters in Physics at Royal Holloway. Yep, finishing up her Masters in Physics — beautiful, talented, and crazy smart.
Like last weeks interviewee, Lindsay Hogg, Lauren is also incredibly sassy. I hesitate to give you her Twitter account, because you will then be able to see how she regularly beats me up verbally in a mere 140 characters. She’s going to be a great one to follow here in a few weeks when she blasts off RTW, over-concerned about safety, and I look forward to her wonderful posts and photos, and even her insults, coming from many different time zones in the near future.
1 — Best foreign curse you know?
Diu Nei Lo Mo – “I fuck your mother” in cantonese.
While living in halls of residence at university, my flat of eight females consisted of me, the only British girl, and seven chinese girls. I spent the first few months of my time there struggling to fit in with the other girls as they preferred to spend the majority of their time speaking in chinese and generally just ignoring me. Fed up with having to spend so much time on my own, I enlisted the help of one of my chinese friends from school. I figured that if I tried to learn their language they would involve me more in their fun and games so I asked my friend how to say “hello, how are you?” in cantonese.
She decided to have a little fun of her own, however and replied with “diu nei lo mo”. Excited about my brand new vocabulary, I went rushing into the kitchen where the seven of them were sat eating dinner. I smiled and confidently approached them. “Diu nei lo mo” I grinned at them as a deafening silence filled the air. They looked at me with a mixture of shock, horror and offense, before silently standing up and leaving the kitchen in unison, leaving me stood there wondering what I’d done wrong…
2 — Famous person you would most want to walk right up to and lay a big kiss on?
It’s a toss-up between Keith Richards and Jay Leno – both of whom are absolutely gorgeous. Yum.
3 — Who plays you in the movie about your life?
Helena Bonham Carter. Sexy and absolutely bonkers. Like me.
4 — What is your desktop screen saver picture of and why?
Screen saver? Screen savers are SO 1995…
5 — You have one of the most
oddest fascinating “travel profiles” of any blogger out there, with you about to finish up your masters in Physics before taking off around the world. Tell all of us dummies out there why Physics is sexy.
You used the word “oddest” to describe me. I changed it to fascinating. It’s people like you who give us physicists a bad reputation!
Looking back over my time as a physics student, I smile as I remember myself as a young first year undergraduate daunted by the magnitude of this vast subject. I was of the opinion that physics was extremely unsexy and that I would be doomed to spend the rest of my life single and alone in a lab, surrounded by magnets, liquid nitrogen and a whole range of superconductors.
Now that I am due to graduate in just a couple of months, I find that my eyes have been opened, and my mind has been stimulated in ways I never thought possible. On top of this amazing journey of enlightenment, I have come to discover that physics IS appealing and a huge turn-on to the opposite sex.
I now take great pleasure in watching males squirm in excitement as I take them through the various realms of quantum mechanics, ranging from explaining every detail of the Schrodinger equation, exploring the exotic consequences of entanglement, whilst taking care to describe various Grand Unified Theories. If that hasn’t got your pulse racing then what about the fact that I can tell you the exact state of the universe just 10^-43 (that is, 0. and then 43 zeroes before the 1) seconds after the Big Bang? How about if I show you how to make an object levitate from any surface it is resting on? I could even make you an invisibility cloak if you provided me with the right materials. With me, you can discuss theoretical time travel, wormholes, parallel universes, and a whole range of science fiction style ideas.
6 — Most vivid childhood memory?
At five years old my parents took me to an english farm for my first holiday. Whilst roaming through the hilly terrain one day, we happened to stop upon a large enclosure of goats. Guarded by a toothless old man, I was encouraged to reach into the rusty old feeding bucket. I scooped some food pellets into a paper bag and entered the enclosure. Terrified, I insisted my parents accompany me and once I became accustomed to the goats I felt brave enough to start feeding them. As soon as I opened the paper bag, the goats lifted their heads in unison. Excitement. Hunger. Food. They formed a circle and slowly approached me from every angle. I was trapped.
Trapped in a ever decreasing circle of goats. I screamed in terror as my parents panicked and ran to safety, leaving their child to face the beasts alone. The goats built up speed, moving quickly from a march to a sprint. They lowered their heads and directed their horns towards my face. In synchronised beauty they charged and head butted me from all directions.
I remember the searing pain shooting through my limbs as they attacked me time and time again, desperate for the food I was clutching tightly in my hand. Whilst all this was going on, my parents, wracked with guilt, were watching from the sidelines screaming hoarsely. Eventually my Dad could take it no more. He looked my Mum deep in the eyes, promised to love her forevermore, and then turned with a hell-like fury to take on the creatures that were attacking his daughter.
He fought his way through the devastation, pushing the goats to one side with an alien-like strength, yelling a tribal war cry to scare off any creatures that dared to cross his path. Swooping down like Superman, he swept me up in one arm, carried me above his head and headed back to safer ground. That’s how I remember it anyway..
7 — Celebrity you would most like to slap or berate publicly?
The self-appointed king of all humanity – Bono from U2.
8 – What is your nickname (or one of them) and how do you get it?
I frequent the internet under the pseudonym “Lozzyjay”. The name originates from my days as a teenage chav, hanging with the gangsters in the Staines ghetto. I spent my time freestyle rapping, making beats and producing rhymes – Lozzyjay was my name. Despite success and the constant wins in rap battles against such greats as “Mudchute Matty” and “SuzieSparXXX” , I must stress that i have since retired from the white girl rap scene. The name, unfortunately, has stuck with me ever since.
9 – What is your favorite fast food meal?
McDonalds. Every single time I have it, I regret it, hate it and promise myself I will never eat it again. But yet I always find my self crawling back to those golden arches time and time again..
10 – Best album to listen to with headphones on?
Stevie Ray Vaughan – Texas Flood… Or something by Miley Cyrus so that nobody realises how uncool I secretly am.
11 – What is your television guilty pleasure?
WHERE TO BEGIN?! Gossip Girl, 90210, One Tree Hill, Smallville, Glee, Hellcats, Americas Next Top Model, The City, Cougar Town, Secret Diary of a Call Girl… I download them all religiously every single week…
12 – What is your dream job?
Female Indiana Jones.
13 – If you could ask anyone in history a question they would have to answer truthfully, what would it be?
Question: When you turned water into wine, where did you get the riboflavin-5′-phosphate from?