Anthony, the Travel Tart, is funny. Simply and plainly funny.
I became acquainted with him first on Twitter, because his tweets draw your attention immediately. He’ll have you in stitches with his combination of Aussie humor and slang, and his eternal desire to explore all that life has to offer. And beer.
He is one of the few travel bloggers I have seen with a Mission Statement, which explains his philosophy far better than I ever could: “I, the Travel Tart, shall devote my life to endlessly finding dubious ways (ie providing dodgy and Funny Travel tips) to finance my ever worsening travel addiction, to experience as much culture, fun, and people’s hospitality as possible before I leave this planet. Oh, and I might pass on these silly offbeat Funny Travel tips to others in the process.”
So, go check out his website, follow him on Twitter, and in the meantime, enjoy his answers to the Lucky 13:
1 – Worst meal you’ve ever had?
I’m assuming a meal that hasn’t left me sitting on the toilet for a week? When I lived on campus throughout university, I remember trying carrot pizza. No joke. I thought the kitchen staff were trying to convert all of us into Bugs Bunny. I think they grossly over-estimated the carrot desires of us students and had to find a way to use them all!
2 – What fictional character would you most like to trade places with?
I think this would be at the top of the list for most guys – James Bond. If you could get away with all the stuff he does and not get killed, then you would!
3 – Fill in the blank: I can beat almost anyone at _______.
Picking corny lines from the back of my brain at will, with expressions like ‘What time is it? It’s Beer O’clock!
4 – What is your favorite one hit wonder song?
It’s not the Macarena! I would have to say ‘I’m Too Sexy’ by Right Said Fred, which is a great send up of the modelling industry. I wish Justin Bieber had been a one hit wonder!
5 – What is your favorite sporting event?
I love attending sporting events, mainly for the crowd atmosphere – and I highly recommend checking out a soccer game in Buenos Aires for a great dose of insanity. I would have to say the Cockroach Races which are held every year in Brisbane is my favourite ‘sporting event’, because it’s a bit quirky
Basically, the races are a thin disguise for a booze up, but profits go to charity! All for a good cause!
6 – Give us your ideal dinner party: you and 4 others.
I’d like to get these 4 together so I could pick their brains at the same time:
Donald Trump – so I could find out how to be as rich as him. However, I wouldn’t take his hair grooming advice.
Trey Parker (co-creator of South Park) – I love all the stuff he’s done with his non-PC sense of humour. It’s Gold!
Oprah Winfrey – Simply because of the power she has over the entire planet with her talk show.
Nelson Mandela – one of the most influential political leaders of recent times in my book.
I’m not sure if all of these characters would get along, so just watching their interaction would be worth the price of admission alone!
7 – Give all of us non-Aussies one of your favorite odd little Aussie phrases and explain what the heck it means.
One of my favourites is ‘I’m as dry as a dead dingo’s donger’. This expression means ‘I’m thirsty’. If you’re wondering what donger means, this is Australian slang for ‘penis’!
8 – I love your beer index, but time to put you on the spot… worst beer you can remember drinking in your pursuit of all-things-beer knowledge?
Can you really stuff up beer? Well, yes you can. Most of the beers I’ve tried around the world have been good. However, I’ve tried SP Lager from Papua New Guinea, and that’s pretty rough. Like drinking razor blades.
9 – Best bit of graffiti you have ever seen.
I remember using the gents at the library where I went to university, and noticed a funny piece of graffiti above the toilet roll which said ‘Arts Degree, Please Take One!’
10 – What is the oddest place you have ever spent the night?
There was a place in Goreme, central Turkey that used to be called ‘Tuna Caves’. Goreme is in the Cappadocia region, which is famous for it’s bizarre formations that have been created by wind and water shaping out the soft volcanic ash landscape. I think Tuna Caves was inspired by this formation, and included a ceiling that looked like a thousand people had used it as a spit ball repository! However, this crumbly ceiling used to fall on your face throughout the night, so that was a bit weird!
But I’d like to stay at the Fook Yew Hotel (say it out loud!). I haven’t been there yet!
11 – Country that you’d most like to be President of.
Turkmenistan. That’s because former president, Saparmurat Niyazov, decreed that he should be President for the term of his life. He also renamed the months of the year after his family members as well. That’s cool crazy stuff and total power!
12 – When was the first time you ever rode a motorcycle?
When I did some quad biking over the massive dunes near Swakopmund, in Namibia. That was awesome fun. Unfortunately, I went sandboarding over these dunes later and managed to crack a rib whilst going over one of these quad bike tracks!
13 – If you were confined to one country for the rest of your life, where would you choose… and what would your profession of choice be?
That one is harder to pick than a broken nose! The reason we all enjoy travelling is because each place is unique and offers it’s own attraction. But if I really had to be confined somewhere, I’d have to say Turkey, and that’s because of the amazing diversity of the place. I love the food and people there, and because it’s been invaded so many times by different civilizations, each has left its own mark.
My profession of choice would be Professional Kebab Sampler!