In a variety of places in the Third World (plus China and some others), you can buy pirated DVDs for amazingly cheap prices. In Kenya, I found some DVDs of the Boston Legal TV series, where the covers made me chuckle.
I was walking through a market in Colombia a few months back when I saw some pirated DVDs on display. I took a photo of one of them, because I thought it was a joke movie that hadn’t even been made, Titanic II.
Turns out the joke is even better than that. Titanic II actually is a real movie. It was released straight to DVD in 2010.
This might be the worst movie of all time… too be clear, I will never see this movie, but just going on the plot summary from Wikipedia, this might very well be the worst movie ever.
In April 2012, 100 years after the sinking of the RMS Titanic, a new, similar-looking luxury cruise liner named the SS Titanic II is christened. She then embarks on her maiden voyage using the same route the Titanic took 100 years before in reverse direction (United States to United Kingdom).
During the Atlantic crossing, the effects of Global Warming cause the Helheim glacier in Greenland to collapse, creating a tsunami that sends an iceberg crashing into the Titanic II. The entire starboard side of the ship is crushed and immense pressure is put on the liner’s turbines. As people struggle against the rising waters and run for the submarine-shaped lifeboats, the turbines eventually explode, causing an immense fire inside the listing and sinking vessel.
Hours later, another tsunami caused by a second collapse of the Helheim glacier hits the liner, flipping it upside-down and drowning the people still on board and killing the passengers in the lifeboats. With most of the ship flooded, the Titanic II finally sinks.
The two main protagonists, ship owner Hayden Walsh and nurse Amy Maine, survive, having stayed aboard the ship instead of going for the lifeboats as Amy’s father, U.S. Coast Guard Captain James Maine, had ordered. However, the ship’s diving facility only has one oxygen tank, which Hayden gives to Amy. Captain Maine rescues them both, but Hayden dies, leaving Amy and a few passengers who got off the ship on Hayden’s helicopter earlier as the only survivors of the disaster.
It virtually has to be classically horrible!
I can hardly tell you how much I like truly poor television and movies…. at least to make fun of. So I am sitting here looking at this Wikipedia summary of the movie and, needless to say, I don’t recognize any of the actors names in this magnificent production. So I pulled up the lead actor’s profile on IMDB.
Here is a list of the last half-dozen movies he has appeared in — Murder 101: New Age, Shark Swim, Transformers: Transmorphers: Fall of Man, Paranormal Entity, 6 Guns and the to-be-released in 2011 classic… Super Shark.
Given those titles, Titanic II might not only NOT be the worst movie of all-time, it might not be the worst movie this particular actor has been in…. or even the 2nd or 3rd worst.
What is the worst movie you have ever seen?
I dare you to review the Twilight movies….I think a four year old with a toy camera can produce a better movie…I think it can be used as a form of torture that would be illegal in all continents on the face of the Earth!
Are you kidding Reine, that special sparkle effect when the vampires go in the sun and the tinkling special noise to accompany it – I mean, cinematic genius! 😉
LOL. Or the way he looks like he’s smelling garbage the entire time he is around her. What a waste of two hours! You shouldn’t even watch it to diss it, that’s how bad it is!
Few days ago I saw on TV “Evil Dead”… Definitely the worst movie EVER! I suggest you to watch it, and then tell me what you think! It’s supposed to be an horror movie, but it’s not scary at all, just very bad done! 😛
haha Shane van Dyke…considering he was in Diagnosis Murder with his father AND brother, is it any wonder he’s doing these kinda movies? lol
Mine has to be Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. My ex loved horror films – the cheesier the better. I managed to sit through 30 minutes (I think) before having to leave to stop my retinas from scarring lol.
And if you’re talking about Titanic II what about Speed II on the cruise boat?! Just as bad!! =)
I second the vote for Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, though I would also add in Chupacabra Terror. It looks like it was filmed in a storage facility!
His first name should be Shame. 😉
Wow that movie looks fantastically bad. I might have to look this up on Netflix. I’m a huge fan of the movies that are so bad they’re good. I appreciate the godfather of bad movie making, director Ed Wood. My favourite film of his has to be Plan 9 From Outer Space. From the opening, where psychic Criswell delivers this gripping first line, “Greetings my friends, we are all interested in the future for that is where and I are going to spend the rest of our lives” you know you’re in for a great bad movie.
LOL. Love it. “His first name should be Shame.” I can’t top that.
You know, I think the unhappy cartoon face on the boat of the Titanic II cover redeems it. Really, the movie seems so horrible that it might be worth watching for comedic value.
I’ve actually heard of this movie… and I, too, predicted that it’s probably terrible. I mean, it kind of just screams “I’m a terrible, terrible movie!”, doesn’t it?
Though, I agree with Reine on Twilight… However, the books in that series are way worse! I’ve had more than my fair share of fun making fun of them…
Totally agree. I got into so much trouble for dissing both the books and the movies…people actually got personally offended and wouldn’t speak to me! So I tried reading one paragraph, and verified that I (and anyone with a functional brain) was totally justified in completely hating it! Usually books are better than the movie versions, but in this case, it was an atrocity in both medium :S
oh! The worst movie I’ve ever seen? Has to be Gator Bate….easy, that or a new movie I rented the other day called “the storm”. Lame movies..bigtime lol
oh! The worst movie I’ve ever seen? Has to be Gator Bate….easy, that or a new movie I rented the other day called “the storm”. Lame movies..bigtime
Worst movies are an entire genre for me – horror and gross movies. Honestly have not truly watched a Terrible movie, but a few that get switched off within the first 20 mins.
Tiptoes has the most ridiculous plot line ever. A husband and wife (both normal-sized) are about to have a baby, but the husband has a huge secret…he comes from a family of dwarfs. Now they’re worried that their baby might inherit the dwarfism gene, and the wife is starting to fall in love with the husband’s dwarf twin brother. What makes it even more fantastical is that two well-known actors, Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale felt compelled to sign on. I’ve never watched it, but am quite tempted…
Oh…it’s also supposed to be a drama, not comedy.
HAHAHAHAHAHA ohmygod this sounds AMAZING. I have to see this.
My worst was Flight To Hell. I bought it in a 2 for 5 pound dvd sale at Global Video along with Psychocop (almost as bad).
Flight to Hell is set onboard a plane which doubles as a flying casino. However there seem to be aliens there (all of a sudden randomly introduced – they seem to have tried to imitate Alien in this sense, but failed). One of the face-hugging type aliens kills a slutty stewardess by crawling up her vagina.
In the end, the captain wakes up and it was ALL A DREAM. He hears his alarm (the same way the movie/dream started), looks straight to camera and says:
“NAH. Not today.”
Then the movie ends with a chirpy diddly-dee-dee-dee tune, and the credits roll.
I have to try and dig this up now…
that is a truly, truly inspiredly horrible movie!